Happy New Years to all . . .

I had over done it on Thursday night and then tried my hardest to muster up all the energy I had to ring in the New Year with all of our friends.  I ended up making a big batch of Pasole' and also some puppy chow (since I had a craving)  and so I only got about an hour to lay down and rest before it was time to get up and out.  We went to Alice's house around 630 and I was fine for a bit. I was really stiff.   There were so many people there and I felt like I needed to be on a big lazy susan so I could just spin around to talk to people.  Eventually I went to sit behind the Christmas tree and rest my neck....  I got to listen to John, Henry, Scott, Alex, Molly and Tom play - it was a guitar, mandolin, piano, banjo jamm.  TOP THAT!  Also as pictured below - there were also 25 kids present and most up until midnight.  Apple Juice shots at midnight. (that is what I had - since I was partying with the vidodin - but not by choice)  We were home at about 12:40 and I was asleep by 1AM - John went back to play (guitar) until about 3.

I was much happier then that picture appears.

A SNEEZE!

I had dreaded this first sneeze, mentioned it a few times that I couldn't believe that I hadn't sneezed in all this time and then knocked on wood.  But it was bound to happen and it did. I was laying in bed and hardly awake and I sneezed...... I reached over to John to alert him..... to take notice...........

I waited.....  and waited.  I stood up.. and nothing.  If you don't have Chiari or haven't witnessed me try to stop a sneeze pre-surgery then you don't know what I am talking about but to me for the last 18 months the worst things to do were to sneeze, blow my nose, cough or cheer for my girls on the sidelines of the soccer field.  All of those things would trigger numbness in my body and head rushes.  So this sneeze was a big deal.  A sneeze that was not followed by me grabbing the wall or counter to steady myself and wait out the head rush and then waiting to see which part of my body was going to fall asleep and for how long.  I would say a sneeze would usually equal having my face go numb (parts of it)  and would last anywhere from 2 hours to a day.  It would also feel like for the milla-second I sneezed that I was being shocked.

I have to say that since I have sneezed 4 more times with similar results.  I am taking that as a very good sign that there was some success in my surgery.  I think there is spinal fluid flowing.  

accidental DETOX

TEXT HEAVY WITH NO VISUALS.... SORRY.

I got them memo - from my family, my friends and my body that I over did it for Christmas.  I give - I stayed in bed all day Sunday and we watched some movies that we got for Christmas.  I had my snuggling babies with me and John was waiting on us - so we were all good, content and pain free.  I had gone thru the entire day with no meds.  On Monday I thought I would probably be up and moving.  John had to leave early but luckily was able to set the girls up with some breakfast while I stayed in bed.  We had Eva over so after breakfast the girls had the run of the house and all those new christmas toy to play with.  And me - I was stuck in bed.  I didn't feel pain in my neck or head - i felt flu like symptoms (although no real fever to speak of)   I had thought about taking my pain pills but I needed food.  I had made it downstairs to say goodbye to Eva.  I made the girls a super lame lunch and then someone called to have Mia over.  Off she went and Ryan and I crawled back upstairs... got in bed and watched the "Fred" movie (again)  I slept on and off but I was hot and then cold and hot and cold.. shivery and shakey and miserable.   Ryan took care of me... she gave me backrubs and fetched me clemintines from the kitchen - but I was a mess.

I mainly got this big emotional grey cloud that hung over my head - I felt so bad that my girls weren't out and about on the town with friends like we usually are.  A usual winter break would be full of trips to go swimming, ice skating - movies etc.  And I wasn't able to do any of those things with them.  John had alos been busier then expected.  So here we layed.   Ryan was bored, Mia at a playdate and me still in my doom and gloom.  I was crying on and off all day with no certain triggers.  It was confusing for Ryan but I kept telling her I was OK, just sad.

John got home around 5 and Ryan bee-lined for the door to tell John "Mom has been crying all day"   Yikes.  I knew I was going to be in trouble.  John came upstairs to access.  What was wrong with me?  He first starts with - You had so many people to call to help.  But it was beyond that.  I felt SO bad, i didnt want to see anyone.  I didn't want to need anyone.  That was part of why I was so sad.  Having to rely on everyone else.   He thought that dinner out and a run to Target might do me well - so I tried to get ready but couldn't.  I got up, got my jeans on and had to come right back to bed.  Shivering.  John asked about my pain pills and I kind of happily answered that I had not taken any.  It was partly because I had no neck and head pain and partly because I didn't have enough food that I needed to take my meds.

Ding ding ding - we got it.  I was sitting there DETOXING off of Vicodin all day.  No wonder I felt TERRIBLE.  I ended up taking 2 Vicodin, 1 muscle relaxer and went to bed while John and the girls went out for dinner.   For the record, I woke up on Tuesday - took my pain meds and felt fine. Thankfully.  Now I hope to be able to get off of these crazy meds.  I didn't like that wake up call that it sent me,

CHRISTMAS day 2010

Listen to how awesome my kids are.  After a LATE night at Hooie/Papas we talked to the kids on the way home and I told them that I can't jump out of bed and rush down the stairs with them early in the morning like I usually do.  I told them that I needed to sleep in a bit and I needed some time to wake up slowly (headrushes are still there when I get up and moving too fast in the AM)  I asked them if they could wake up and play their DSIs, the iPad...   I promised Santas gifts would still be there and they would really be helping me out.  We think that Ryan went down for a quick peek, just to make sure something WAS there - (good thing they were wrapped) but they both waited for me until 10AM!  what kids can do that!  I was so proud of them.  We all went down at 10 and they got to open their Santa gifts and then some other gifts that they had from their family out of town.

Some favorite photos. . . . . 

Brain Age 1&2 DSi for Mia and ZhuZhu pet DSi game for Ryan from grandma/pa Jack.

Cheeto loved the new Cat Greenies!

CHRISTMAS Eve 2010

What a bummer - for 35 years we celebrated my grandmas birthday on the morning of Christmas Eve with breakfast with the family and then gifts just for her.  I had stayed up too late wrapping and I was still sleeping at 10pm.  I just couldn't do it.  My grandma has been gone for 8 christmas's - and I know she understands, just a tradition I hate to miss.  By mid afternoon I was feeling more rested and had gotten over missing breakfast.  I moved on to being a bit of a pout because my packages had no ribbons or bows like I love.  It didn't matter - then night continued.

Here are some of my favorite photos...

us before going to Johns parents house

attempting Christmas -

Here comes christmas and I am not ready.  I had all this time in bed to shop and to make christmas cards - but i guess instead I was sleeping and recovering, eating and ..... watching lots of tivo'd shows.

I did get shopping done (2 day free shipping from amazon saved me), and then I got the Christmas cards made, printed and about 1/2 have been sent.  need to get on that!  Since I take my cards seriously - and they were so late this year, I hope people will cut me some slack.  (They will be on time next year) 

It is the 23rd and I now have all the gifts that need wrapping.  I had made one run to Kolhs and I got an hour to shop while my girl waited in line to see Santa with John.  I really missed the shopping part of the holidays.  And picking out all the matching wrapping paper with bows and ribbon.  I made not ONE target run for wrapping paper.  (shocking) 

Here is what tonight looked like.  John played some music while i wrapped... then he put the guitar down and helped, or i would have been up until 3 am.

a (sneak peak) Holiday card -  Here is a Happy Holiday from my family to yours.

things are moving along -

I started Physical Therapy this week.  Really it was just the hour long test of finding out where I am starting.  The consensus is I am a noodle.  My neck range was actually pretty good, but my shoulder pain was still there and I guess it is mainly because of my posture (or lack of it)  So - sit up straight and I need to desperately work on my core.   Right now - I am in a noodle status.  It makes sense, I have done very little physical activity for a year or more.

She gave me the OK to drive to the grocery store (4 blocks away)  and we set a goal to be driving shortly.  I will be going 3 days a week for an hour to start and then 3 day for 30 minutes... and so on.  And she really does think it will be a 6-8 week process.  Whoa.

 ***************

Alright - now on to the nitty!  I made my 2 month MRI appointment.  If i had no control over my surgery date (round two)  I was going for the ULTIMATE MRI appt.  01.11.11 that is a very important day for a very beautiful clean scan on my spinal cord.  I think the elevens will help. (its our family lucky number)  and then I see Dr. Oro on the 14th. (crossing fingers he dosen't have to reschedule it. since I am so anxious to have him read my MRI)

5 week update

Here it is Tuesday again - five weeks have passed.   and 4 days into holiday break and it has caught up with me.  I am wiped out.  My family thinks something is wrong.  All of them on different occasions have asked why i am so tired or why i feel lousy.  I had to remind them that when they leave for school or for work I go back upstairs, get in to bed and I don't usually get out of bed until I head a car in my driveway at 4pm with the girls home from school. (oK, sometimes in the 2oclock hour i remember to go make myself a quick lunch)  BUT, if I don't have a doctors appointment - or someone to drive me to a store quick for urgent girl scout stuff, or xmas party supplies at school - i am HOME. and one with my bed.

This may turn in to the laziest break on record.  Waking up around 9.  Frozen waffles in bed - my girls have even lounged around enough to watch Price is Right (something i never watch) - but they think is pretty fasinating.  (they know it from the app on my phone - not as a TV show)

So - a week of lounging has brought a hefty list of things to do.  Last minute things to buy, trip to go see SANTA, a few things to make, working on christmas cards and WRAPPING!   Better get on all of that!

And when I am awake. . .

I have a long long list of things to do.  Do you want to see just a small part of my to do's?   In no particular order.

1. girl scout outing (email, reservations, call nursing home.
2. Christmas shopping
3. Update my blogs (all 3 of them)
4. Order a new planner for the new year
5. figure out what is wrong with my big computer - can my photos be saved?
6. design, print and send out christmas cards
7. send sewing directions to tiffany and to jacki
8. start sewing - finish the projects i had started
9. figure out Ryans birthday party - invites?
10. put (3,500 photos) in albums (find more albums)
11. print pictures to go in the frames
12. find a piano teacher for the girls
13. get Olive prescriptions filled
14. do the mending on my sewing table & Mias girl scout sash
15. school paperwork that has to go back to the office

at least i have company.

And I spared you from 15 other things I have to do.

But, instead I find myself sitting here.  dozing and getting sucked into these new facebook games. OYE.

zuma something or rather that i dont understand, family feud and price and right.

I feel guilty admitting that - now I need to go write Thank You cards!!

ONE MONTH today }

One month and I think I am doing extremely well!  I am doing more then I ever imagined I would be doing but yet still spending PLENTY of time relaxing.  I belief that it is the constant help and encouragement from all of my friends and family.  We have so much support and so many people rooting for my recovery.  I also stay positive, even when I am bored out of my mind or pouting that I can't drive.  I have to put it all back in perspective of just how fortunate I am.

I had an appointment with Kimberly (Dr. Oros) nurse today to go over the last month. I thought John would go with me but he has an insanely busy week.  I figured it was not an appointment that I would be thrown any curve ball or given any bad news so I told him to stay and work.  I had planned on doing a bit of shopping with Cindy so instead she took me to my appointment and I was glad that my mom wanted to join us also.  We went to lunch together and then headed to the appointment.

there we were  - mother in law on the left, mom to my right.  i feel at home in the waiting room with a lot less anxiety.

The appointment went well.  We went over a two page list of symptoms before and after surgery.  Kimberly asked which symptoms have gotten better and wondered if any were worse.  Some were hard to answer because I am on muscle relaxers so it is hard for me to tell if my fatigue has gotten better.  I am tired, yes.  I also got to ask a lot of questions,  I was very pleased to hear that all of my numbing symptoms (from my face to my hand and feet) are gone and most likely not being masked by any of my pain pills.  That is a victory.  The rest of the tests are like a sobriety test including standing like a flamingo so that the moms could laugh at me.   

I was cleared to go to physical therapy (got the orders)  and I can now lift 15lbs.  She said that physical therapy will be able to tell me when I can drive.  Of course I went right home and made an appointment for Friday!  

Here we all are.  Kimberly could do without me taking pictures.  But I try to have some visuals for my blog.

If I could stay awake . . .

I have things to post about but I rarely have the energy to stay awake long enough to finish a post. I start many, i finish few (in the same sitting)  Photo by John on any given night.

ZZzzz = healing

It has been 3 weeks and a day since my surgery. I have reached the peak of exhaustion. It is either that i am in super healing mode, or I did too much on tuesday.  I seem to do something (get out of the house or start a project) and then pay for it that night or the next morning.

I have read so many Chiari blogs where people post after weeks saying that they had things to say, but couldn't stay awake - literally couldn't keep their eyes open to make a post on their blog.  And here I am.  I didn't think it was possible for  me to sleep this much.  Just last night i passed out at 9pm, slept until 8am when John told me to go ahead and sleep while he got the girls to school.  I went downstairs and ate a frozen waffle and two clementines and ended up right back in bed.  I slept from 9am to 1pm - came down to eat lunch with john and then back up stairs to rest some more.

I probably would have gone back to sleep but i had an appointment with Arial for another energy healing.  I just wanted to make sure that all was in check.  I actually was wondering if the exhaustion was something she could work out - but she reiterated that when you sleep, your body is healing.   She said that my energy looked good.  My crown chakra was out of whack and so (i hope) she fixed it.  I had very little grey in me. She said that everything looked really good and my energy did not look like someone who had just had a major surgery.  She was very positive and felt strongly that i was healing well and that my surgery was a success. We talked about how I would know more in January when I get my MRI and then see Dr. Oro on JAN. 14th.  She said she already saw how good it looked and to not bring negative nervous energy when the date grows closer.

So, consider me healing and sleeping.

looking out of Arial's window - room full of healing.
(think i am a nutt?)  oh well.

three week scar

Soon there will be nothing to see, my hair is growing SO FAST.  

a BIG tuesday

big tuesday take one

First - this marks three weeks.  Three weeks after my surgery and here I am.  I have good hours and bad hours and then good days and bad days.  But I sure am doing better then I ever imagined I would be doing.  People have told me that the recovery is slow and that if I was able to make it to my end of the driveway and back each day - i would be doing good.  Then reminded me that if I got ahead of myself and walked around the block, the next day I would pay for it.  I do understand that concept.  It happens.

While each person in my family has been dealing with my surgery and my recovery differently - right now it is Ryan that needs a little time and attention.  For about a month Ryan has been acting out in the morning and not wanting to get ready for school and go to school.  This is my 5 year old that would wake up with the alarm - jump to the floor, get dressed, brush her teeth, ready for the day and come to wake me up since i had pushed snooze.  So,  quite a drastic difference that started just a week or two before my surgery. (when we kind of started talking about the count down of what was going to happen around here)

So, with the help of John, some of my friends (that have gentle ways with her) and then Mrs. King, her teacher we thought that maybe I should come in to kindergarten so that I could show Ryan that I was OK.   I took some extra time on Monday to save up some energy and then woke up Tuesday and went in to the kindergarten classroom.  I did no helping Mrs. King- but I was able to sit with Ryan on the carpet and hold hands for a couple hours and be there with her.  It was so nice to be out and about and at school with the kids.  I think Ryan was REALLY excited to have me there.  What a great morning.

look at Ryan there on the blue line in the back - she was so happy

big tuesday take two

The cookie exchange was the same day so I got home at 11ish and knew i had to rest so I would be able to go back up to school for festivities.  I was excited to see people I hadn't seen in weeks (and I love cookies)   We had made cookies the night before to bring (and I had help from the entire family)  So there I was... hours later spotted in line stocking up on goodies.  While friends were telling me I should be home in bed.  (mmwwaahhh)  I am in bed now... with my cookies.

cooooooookies.

Being WELL fed

Alice and Kathryn set up a site for us online called Lotsahelping hands.  http://www.lotsahelpinghands.com/  

It is a way that friends and family can come together and help out (bring meals, offering rides/etc)  I am so fortunate to have such a support group of family, friends and neighbors willing to help.  We have three meals a week being cooked and brought to us thru January.  (I am getting spoiled)   We eat either in the dining room (there is more space and it is easier to get to and clean up) OR we eat on our TV trays on special occasions like Sunday nights durning Amazing Race.  This was left over night.  Ryan had chicken and rice soup, Mia nachos and me -Tortilla bake (i didn't want to share the last square)

i love how the wood paneling and the TV trays make this look so authentic 1977 to me.
(maybe this is more late 60s - but my first meals on tv trays here late 70's)

went to the movies in my PJ's

we actually saw Tangled (which is the cutest Disney movie in a long time)   John thought maybe I wasn't up for it, but i told him as long as I could wear my PJs and relax in the comfy chair (and eat LOTS of buttered popcorn, i was fine)

just from the Hamster commercial in the previews.

showering solo - 16 days out.

For documentation sake I just wanted to post that I am now able to shower solo.  I had been using a shower chair in the girls bathroom with a hand sprayer and help from John and and then Ryan.  Sixteen days after surgery and I am showering in the big shower with the shower chair for backup (which i haven't had to use)  Of course - no photo needed to back up this post (as I usually do)

sleep texting

John has been out of town for the week and I have been leaning on my friends this week to help me out. My mom had stayed with me Wednesday and then left around 130.  It was time for me to rest before the girls got home and by the time the girls got home I was still tired.  I got the girls a snack and headed back upstairs to relax with the girls.  The girls were watching the Rudolph special I had recorded from the other night and I dozed off again.  It was around dinner time last night and Alice texted me.  I remember hearing the text... and i remember it being difficult for me to text back.  i was THAT tired.  After realizing it was dark out and that John would be home from the airport anytime I did get up and slowly wander downstairs.  Mia helped me bring in our dinner (chicken soup from the Adamsons) and we got it on the stove to heat it up.  Just then Alice came in.  After reading my incoherent texts I think she thought that either over-dosed in some valuim or was clearly just not in charge of dinner.  Alice came to the rescue again.  She made some rice, she served us up and washed down all my (kitchen) surfaces. Then went back to her house to fix her family dinner.  She really has been doing double duty. 

live from Cabo

John had work to do this week - a trip to Cabo to shoot for 3 days.  While he was gone I had so many people help me out.  On Monday, Molly came to stay and help.  On Tuesday, Alice came to stay and help and on Wednesday my mom was there to help.  I was really doing pretty OK, the help was more for the girls. Getting them up and out in the morning and then fed, homework and to bed at night.  While John was gone we got to do a few video chats.... man, I could relax for a bit by the ocean.  oh that John, he is lucky.

staples OUT

I was excited for Monday.  The day started out rough since John was out of town and I was in charge of most of the morning routine getting the girls out of the door.  Cindy (my mother in law showed up around 8am) but much of the damage was done.  Ryan was upset about the way her pants felt (all 14 pairs she tried on) and she used every excuse in the book to mess with me, mia and grandma.  Cindy got them off to school - but 7 minutes late so i believe they got their first tardy slips of their school career. NOT a way to start this Monday.  Cindy came back after drop off to find me wilted.  It mine as well have been 10oclock at night.  I sat at the kitchen table near tears while Cindy helped out - dishes, laundry, and a bit of cheerleading to get me up and out the door.  Alice was going to take me - but after the rough start Cindy joined us.  I guess i needed a driver (Cindy -leadfoot) and a photographer since John was gone -(Alice the shooter)

We walked in the room and flat out - i said - "Is this going to hurt"  UGH, she answer... "I won't lie, it does hurt"  WHAT! really?  isn't there a topical you can give me. well - crap - i just had Brain Surgery - I can handle getting 25 stitches out (Jason had pointed out that i may have lost one or two from the 2 photos that I had posted from day 5 to day 10) but all 25 were there.  The first few at the bottom got my attention - it was red and irritated and they were really ready to come out. BUT -  the other 22, I didn't feel a thing.  20 some minutes later we were done. no sweat. 

It was my first day out and about and i swayed the ladies to go to Chick-fil-A, I had such a craving but we don't have one close enough that someone could bring me it to go, and it would still taste good. SO - a number 2 with no pickles and cheese with a lemonade and I was so pleased. (It was also Alice's first visit to chick-fil-a..... shocking)  After lunch a QUICK jaunt across the street to Costco.  I needed to buy some goodies for Mia to bring to girl scouts on wednesday. The troop is packaging goodie bags (boxes) to be sent overseas to the troops.  I bought fruit leather and some cookies and then quick i wanted to check for frozen cherries back in the coolers.  I got to the coolers, Alice got the cherries for me and my switch flipped. Just like that I powered down.  I had NO energy.  i was done, spent!  I slowly inched my way towards the front of the door - about as fast as Tim Conway on the Carol Burnet show and I sat down and waited for Alice and Cindy to check out.  Then Cindy pulled up and I got door service.  (that is the BEST)

We got home around 1:15 - a 2 and a half hour outing that seemed like a 12 hour day.  I got upstairs and in bed while they carried stuff in.  Alice came up and covered me up and i was OUT.  I didn't move an inch until my kids got home just before 4.  

at the doctors office getting staples out.  I love Cindys expression in the 2nd photo.

the nitty-gritty-growdy closeups

As long as you aren't eating lunch -

and if you are interested in some closer shots, click to enlarge and then you may be able to click it one more time to get it even bigger. (again, only if you aren't eating)   kudos to Alice the shooter. 

while relaxing

I have many friends stop by and visit and I have had the nicest time spent with them all.  

But when everyone leaves and I head upstairs to relax, this is what keeps me company thru the day. A laptop (blogs, facebook, and lexulous)  ipad (angrybirds and email) and phones (chatting, texts and bejeweled) and remotes. (netflix and lots of reality TV)   

It may be time to take an outing the bookstore.

My staples are itchy

My staples are itchy and they are becoming kind of loose and wiggly. I have to wait until Monday to get them out and I think they will drive me batty from here on out. My hair is also growing out pretty fast, this wicked scar of mine will be covered in no time.   However, it will be years before my shaved hair is as long as my current locks.

my itchy scar - day 10

Babysitters

I am usually getting a babysitter so John and I can go out - but this week it has been for Me. I guess it was assumed that I shouldn't be left alone - so my mom and my friends volunteered to stay with me when John needs to go out and about. John is also leaving this next Monday for work and while he is gone I have Molly staying on monday, Alice on tuesday and my mom on wednesday. I will need help with getting the girls fed, to bed and then up and dressed in the morning and out the door.

However, after being home a week today I was wondering if I could start being left alone a bit.
I am navigating the stairs OK. I was calling for an escort to go up and down, but I have been a lot better on my own. I don't feel like I am over doing it. I feel like I am being careful. I am not lifting more them my 10lb limit - i can be really creative when I need to scoot something across the table, or I ask one of my girls to help me.

I surely didn't expect to feel this good after being home a week - but I feel good and pretty consistent. I think instead maybe I could have someone on-call in case I needed anything.

Lets see what John (the gatekeeper) says.......

Thanksgiving

We sure do have a lot to be thankful for this year. It is a perfect time a year to undergo a major surgery like I did and come out on the othersie - Better, healing and oh so Thankful!

We celebrated Thanksgiving the Sunday before my surgery with friends and family. Alice was nice enough to host. We all had such a good time we thought it should be a tradition to have an early Thanksgiving with friends. Next year - I am hosting. It will be the perfect way to mark my year anniversary of my surgery and i hope my cure.

we filled every square inch of the rooms - 3 long tables.

For the actual Thanksgiving this Thursday we laid low. John made me mashed pototes and green bean casserole just to have in the house. And then later in the day Zach (Mr. Bastoky) brought us leftovers from his gourmet dinner he made all himself. My in-laws also brought over leftovers for us so we were set. During the day we put up our Christmas tree and we all decorated it.

It was a great day to be with my family and my friends and to count my blessings and our health. What a great day.

Brightening our days

I am so thankful for all of my friends and family.  We really do feel the outpouring of love and support that we have from everyone.  We received the most beautiful flower.   Our house is full of them and we are enjoying each bouquet.

25 staples in a nice straight line.

I have had a handful of visitors and surprisingly I am always kind of excited to show off my scar.  You won't be able to see it for long.  My hair will grow over it and very little is below my hairline at my neck.  I was not expecting it to be that long and to have that much hair shaved but I am used to it now.

my scar - day five.

11.16 as i remember it.

It has been a week (really?) already? I guess so since Thanksgiving is just 2 days away, but to me I am still stuck in early November... counting down the days to my surgery. I am not sure if it has really sunk in that it is over and I am on my way to healing.  Except for the fact that I am already sick of laying in bed and watching TV.

I will do a quick run-down as i remember it-

You all know i didn't sleep well on Monday night. I kept replaying Boardwalk Empire on tivo to drown out my snoring dog and my overactive thoughts and fears going thru my head.  I woke up at 5:03am and showered.  (with that red purel like surgery soap) - finished packing things up, sat onlline for a bit, idling to decide just what to post on facebook.  Then my girls got up and wandered into my bathroom for hugs.  I told Ryan - and then Mia that they could climb in my bed (they were cold) and i would come hug them and say goodbye.  WOW, THATS hard.  I knew the clock was ticking.  Johns parents were downstairs (they had the morning shift - taking the girls to school) it was 6:14 and we said we would leave no later then 6:10.  I gave tearful hugs and kisses and more hugs and kisses and said goodbye.  got downstairs - quick hug to cindy... and to darwin and out the door. John was a grump.  It was 6:20 (whooops)  He was driving like a mad-man.  By the time we made it to the interstate i told him to knock it off.... "i was saying goodbye to the girls and you have no idea how hard that was! "  i then reminded him that we may be late, but they HAD to wait for me.  yes, his biggest pet-peeve- but nothing we can do now - we will be late.  lets not get our heads out of the game over it.   so - 6:34 we parked and walked in to the hospital. (traffic and all)  Lots of paperwork and then waiting.  I was called back about 6:50 .... john and my mom stayed behind to wait.  I did all the quick tests.. pee in a cup - starting IVs, changing into an ugly gown.... getting comfy in bed.  i was trying to remember the healing blue light, the fact that i was being operated on my a specialist who knew very well what he was doing, and that i had so many loving thoughts, prayers and well wishes all over the world. (well, the U.S., and Australia)  :)

The night before the anesthesiologist had called and asked some questions about my history with surgery and being under.  I had no history.  None - not even with my wisdom teeth, i just had a local to get them removed.  He was kind of beside himself, i could tell this meant he had a bigger job ahead for himself.  I met him a little before 8 that morning and i could tell he had done some extra homework, or at least taken a little extra time to prepare me for hours of surgery.  We discussed that I would get a cocktail of drugs to make me happy and then we would move back to the pre-op room where they would prep me. 

Dr. Oro came in (you have seen the pictures that John posted) that was really emotional.  I was so glad to see him there, and WELL and able to operate on me and "cure" my Chiari.  He told me that he was ready, I told him I was (gulp), ready.... and he said he was going back to check out the operating room.  He told John he would send someone out during the surgery to tell my family and friends how it was going, but that he would not come out until it was over.  

saying goodbye - john and i walking in to the hospital - healing blue light - me awaiting surgery

Moments later I was saying goodbyes and I love yous to John. (my mom had been in earlier) and then I got that happy cocktail.  I don't remember anything after that moment.

I opened my eyes to (what i remember to be) a lot of chaos.  People moving me every which way, a nurse talking to me- telling me I was waking up from surgery.  I had so many cords which seemed to be wrapped all over me. Some they were unhooking and some they were rearranging.  The entire room was blue. bright streaming blue rays of light.  I hadn't thought about at the time but that is the moment that my angel left me.  That was when everyone was looking over me and unhooking me and smiling and telling me how good I did and that it went well.  Everything seemed to be moving really fast.  They introduced me to my pain pump and hooked it all up - I think I used it at that very moment.  The nurse said that she would be moving me when my ICU room was ready and my pain was better.  I asked her what time it was because I was wondering how long everyone had to wait to hear the good news that I was out of surgery - and I was wondering if Alice made it to school in time to tell Mia I was OK, and to help in kindergarten.  I think she told me it was around 2:30. That made me nervous that something had gone wrong.  My surgery was scheduled from 8:30am - 12:30pm.  so, 6 hours under?    I asked the nurse if something was wrong that it went longer and she said everything went fine.  (i didn't really believe her)  .. I would wait to ask John when I saw him in ICU.

I DID IT }

I guess you don't really need any details of the week since John has done such a good job updating my blog and keeping everyone posted on the daily events.  I thought I would have much more time to blog for myself, but it turns out that when you have brain surgery you are kind of wiped out.

here is my hospital stay - for the archives.
ICU was easy - my staples were protected with a cushy bandage and i had the pain pump and a wonderful nurse named Kate.  The night nurse, Sue wasn't so hot so i found myself watching the clock for 7am when Kate would be returning. It was on Sue's watch that someone told John that I was bleeding and going to get a scan - and he rushed down. I think it really took his head out of the game.  Things were going along so positive and everyone was celebrating and then that (false) info really set him off.  

So - then Wednesday sometime they broke the news to me that i was moving to a regular room and that I had to say goodbye to my pain pump.   It also meant that Physical and Occupational Therapy would by knocking on my door and asking me to get up and move around.  I wasn't really ready to - i was pretty one with my bed but I was also anxious to see what I could do.  Could I walk?  to the bathroom? down the hall?  I think it was pretty slow going at first, I was getting really exhausted going to the door and back.  Then I had them teaching me how to put on my socks and dress myself.. the simple things where the rules have changed (for now)  Wednesday I laid low. 

Thursday I woke up and felt a lot better - I ordered myself all of my meals (consisting of toast and cereal)    There was more physical therapy with neck exercises and also a shower. I was so anxious for a shower.  It is hard to let someone else wash your hair - it would have been easier if it weren't so long - but my only job was to keep my balance.   I had new washed braids and then a visit from my little ladies.  It was so great to see the girls!  50 some hours is the longest I have ever been away from them.  Everything had been going A-OK at home.  John was doing the mom-gig with flying colors. (just like I knew he would be)

On Friday all the nurses started talking about me going home.  I might have over-done it on thursday, cause I didn't feel so hot.  John came to visit with Alice  -and Mia in tow.  Turns out Mia didn't finish all of her homework and was worried she would get in trouble so she opted to stay out of school for the day instead.  It took a lot to hold it together in front of Mia.  I really wanted to lay there and moan and groan. The big talk of the day was that it was better for me to be home then in the hospital - so that I didn't catch anything in the hospital and so that i could heal faster in my own bed.  I think that John was resisting with me.  He wasn't ready for the responsibility.  John left and spent the day getting ready for me to come home... just in case.  And in the afternoon my dad & family flew in from Iowa.  They visited me in the hospital and around that time we got word that I was cleared by OT and PT and i was headed home (like it or not)  Well, wait  - they said i could stay, but i would run the risk of my insurance not paying for it since i was progressing.  I guess that helped us be OK with their decision.  About 85 hours after checking in the the hospital tuesday morning we were headed home.

me and my surroundings.  

I was so glad to at least not be fighting rush hour.  My Dad, Pam and Kim took our girls out to dinner while we got home and settled.  I had a station set up.  The laptop, iPad, cellphone  - chargers, and then a tv tray of things I might need and some new fluffy blankets... and 2 bored dogs waiting to keep my company.  The girls got back - tucked me in.  John set all the alarms on his phone to wake up every 4 hours to remind him to medicate me and then I was off to zzzzzz.  It was an adventure of a week.  Now, more healing.

leaving the hospital room

Happy to have her home...

I don't really have anything to add to this. I think Olive says it all.  We are glad to have you home.

Day 3.. Lisa comes home...

Big day yesterday. The girls were excited for Friday. Friday meant that they would again get to see mom, but also their Grandparents from Iowa were coming into town. Honestly I wasn't ready for Friday. I couldn't sleep so when I finally drifted off around 4am I knew morning was going to be rough. Of course since their was excitement in the air Ryan decided to get up around 6:45 to start the day. We were out the door on time got up to school and dropped Ryan off at class. Mia was weepy and not nearly as enthusiastic about the day so I let her play Hooky from school. Finally a good smile from her. Even though I have been trying to keep things normal I think all of the craziness had gotten to Mia. We took off with Alice in tow and headed down to the hospital to see Lisa. Of course Lisa had a request for and Iced Grande 8 pump Soy chai, so we made sure we had that when we showed up. I was thinking Lisa would be having a good day. The night before she was really together. Maybe it was all of the excitement of finally seeing her babies again, but I expected the same for Friday. We showed up and she looked good, but you could tell she was not in the same state as the day before. I guess these first few weeks there will be lots of ups and downs. From what the Doctor has told us there is a lot of things going on inside. Things are moving around and changing. The main reason Lisa had to have the surgery was due to the syringomyelia.It is a disorder in which a cyst forms within the spinal cord. This cyst (syrinx), expands and elongates over time, and it starts to destroy the spinal cord. When the Doctor performed the operation he said that her spinal cord was very flat. It had been extremely flattened due the build up of fluid. Now that there is room things are moving around and hopefully her spinal cord will start to get back to its normal shape. So now knowing that I think there will be lots of swings in how she feels. I know it freaks her out and I can't blame her for feeling that way. It has to be a pretty scary thing to feel the way she does.

I was a little concerned with what Mia thought of mom not feeling as well, but I think she did OK. We ended up visiting with Lisa for about an hour that morning. I watched her go through some of her physical therapy. Walking up and down stairs, doing her neck exercises. There was talk about her being able to go home, but I thought there was no way they would let her go. I was secretly hoping she would have one more night at the hospital. Not that I didn't want her there, but I wasn't sure if I would be able to take care of her. Plus the housekeeper hadn't shown up yet. I still had to get new sheets and other things to make Lisa more comfortable. I just wasn't ready. Just in case we took off and started our errands. We dropped Alice off, hit costco, Ricos for lunch, and ran back home to start many loads of laundry. We picked up Ryan from school, then went back to the hospital to meet up with Lisa and her Dad. Kimberly, Dr. Oro's nurse showed up and gave us another run down of what lisa was experiencing, how she was progressing, and letting us know that Lisa was ready to go home. You have to be kidding me.

Seriously I wasn't ready. I wanted to make sure everything was perfect for when she got home. I still had things to do. She said not to worry, and that I could pick up Lisa anytime before midnight. Lisa's dad took the girls and they all went out to dinner and to watch a movie. I was on turbo mode running back home, getting prescriptions filled, laundry, feed the dogs, walk the dogs, throw some cat food out, more laundry, make the bed with all the new linens. Oh, had to run to walgreens to check a few things off my list. Back to the store to pick up prescriptions and get gas. Then a text from Lisa, don't forget.... Ok, back home, pick those things up. Grab a pillow and blankets for the ride home.. another text.... don't forget a camera. OK, finally I think I have everything and I was off to the Hospital to get Lisa. I showed up and she was ready.. She had most of her things packed up. She was relaxing watching food network and eating french fries. We called the nurse in and had her go over everything I needed to know. I wanted her to show me what meds she needed, what times, what order. Don't give her this one until 9. Make sure this script is for 2mg if it is not, you don't want to combine it with this one. You have to worry about this. Make sure you don't overdose her. WTF? Should she really be going home? With the crash course in medicine Lisa and I were on our way out of there. We made it home about 8:45 and she went straight upstairs. She was met by nurse Ryan who was there to make sure she was comfortable. Fluffing pillows, getting water, Ryan was ready. The dogs of course were super excited to see her and I have a feeling will not want to leave her side. Luckily I think I have cracked the code on the medicine and think I can handle it. I think Lisa had a pretty good nights sleep. I am sure it was better than being in the hospital. I don't think Lisa noticed me starring at her most of the night to make sure she was breathing. I was on high alert last night. I set all my alarms to make sure she had her meds at the right time and we did just fine. thank goodness. We are all happy to have her home.

Photos from ICU.

I thought it was important for Lisa to see what here surroundings looked like minutes after she arrived in ICU. I was honestly expecting her to be asleep, definitely not talking,  and no expression. It was so nice to see a little smile and to hear her say "I did it." While we were there it was nice that she got visited by a hospital therapy dog named speckles.   So gentle, so eager to please. It was cool to see how they both enjoyed the experience.

The girls finally believe me..

Yes, the girls finally believe me. They actually got to see their mom tonight. It was getting difficult to keep them at ease. I think they thought mom took off for a nice beach vacation without us, but tonight they found out that wasn't true. I am glad that I waited for the girls to go visit. I definitely did not want them to see Lisa in a state that was totally foreign to them. I have been trying to keep everything as normal as possible around here. Trying to walk them to school, pick them up, eat dinner with them, etc. I didn't think it would be hard to do, but it was a little more difficult than I imagined. So today I told them if mom felt good enough I would pick them up early from school and they would get to go to the hospital and see her. I spent the morning with Lisa. She had an occupational therapist come in to see her. I watched her to some exercises, watched her do all the things that we take for granted. Brushing her teeth, washing her face. It was those simple things that made me so sad and so happy all at the same time. I can't imagine the pain that is involved with all of this and to see Lisa push through it and work on the healing was very inspiring. After a few hours there I left Lisa to nap and get ready for the girls. I left the hospital grabbed a quick bowl of Pho soup and went to the school to pick up my ladies. It was about 1:30 when I went down there. The girls told me they couldn't miss lunch so I had to make it a little later. Mia had a special lunch date with Eva and her teacher and Ryan was excited for Macho Nacho Day. I was surprised to find out that both girls had forgotten about me coming early to get them. Once they remembered why I was there it was all smiles. We had a list of things to do before we would be ready to go. First thing we did was take the dogs for a walk. I think this was really great for everyone. Next was snacks and showers. I had to make sure the girls didn't look scrappy when we went in. The last thing I want is to have Lisa think I am not doing my job. Lisa's mom came over with soup so we all had dinner together and went to see Lisa. As we walked up to the hospital I tried to give the girls an idea of what happened that day. I was showing them where we walked in, where I got my coffee, the waiting room. I pointed out where everyone sat, other places we went. I wanted to make sure they could try and piece their own story of what happened that day. As we rode up on the elevator I could tell they were a little nervous. I just told them to go in there give her some love and everything would be fine. When we walked in Lisa looked really great. She had on a familiar clothes and seemed to be looking like "Mom". It was nice to see Lisa's eyes light up when she saw them. I think that look was in everyones eyes. They gave her cards, hugs, kisses, and then they wanted proof. They wanted to see what all the talk was about. I asked to make sure they were ready and of course they said yes. I decided to show them a photo on my phone of what it looked like first. Just to make sure they were ready. After a quick glance they were both ready to see the real thing. I have to say that the look on Ryan's face was priceless. I honestly don't think she really thought it was real. it was a scared look at first, then a look of "is that real?" I could tell Ryan was trying to figure out why they put staples in her head. I had to remind her that this was a special Dr. Stapler and not the same bedazzled stapler she had at home. All Ryan wanted to do was look at her scar. I honestly think Ryan could have been fine looking at it all day. We stayed for about an hour and left for the evening. Of course at bed time we had lots of questions about mom. I reassured them that she will be ok and with our help she will heal faster. When Lisa comes home they will be official nurses to mom. I think we are going to make some outfits to help them play the part. I also told them that they have special nurse authority while they are on duty. If they see mom doing things she is not supposed to do they have the power to call her out on it and make her stop. They are pretty excited about that. Lets hope that excitement lasts more than the first afternoon.