STOP EVERYTHING!

8:56AM this morning - Kelly from DR OROs office leaves me a message. (while i am walking the girls to school)

"This is Kelly from Dr. Oros office and I am calling to cancel your pre-sugery apponitment with Kimberly tomorrow. We are canceling all surgeries for the next 5-6 weeks due to a medical emergency with Dr. Oro. Because of this, please call me back so we can reschedule your surgery."

There was a part of me that was ready for this. just a sliver of me. I have NEVER had an appt. at Dr. Oros office NOT get canceled. This happens for some reason. But i was hoping and praying that his surgeries were something that were untouched. This has been a long, long, grueling, emotional process. I had started my 14 day countdown leading up to surgery. Stopping certain vitamins, adding others. Quitting Advil - watching what I was eating and drinking - and getting myself really ready. I had just posted on FB last night - "ONE MORE WEEK". and because of that i have a long list of things to do. I came home this morning and took everything out of my hall closet, I was going to organize all of my clothes from summer to fall and have that all done. It was only when I had to find a number for John to call Cayce back at that I saw Dr. Oros office has called. I am completely and totally super fucking devastated.

I am trying to wrap my mind around this all being for a reason. but I am scared. I go thru the day staying busy, staying positive - chin up - one day closer to your surgery. Now to have that rug pulled right out from underneath me. When all is silent and I am laying in bed with my own thoughts I wonder if I will wake up in the morning. (and I always am so happy when I do)

What a total mind fuck.

* UPDATE *

the doctor is at home recovering from an accident. he is not willing to schedule any surgeries until his doctors give him the OK. The time frame I was given was initially 5-6wks and now I have heard it may be 6-8 weeks. The most difficult part for me right now is that they will not give me ANY date. The way I understand it is - they will call me in 4-5wks and let me know then what my surgery date will be. This is not a little roller coaster at the fair that I am riding. This is nothing that I signed up for. The toll that this is taking on my very fragile emotional state is paramount. So, I guess we are talking late November?