this has the potential to be a long post. I will try to make it rapidly make sense and still have enough history to make it archive worthy. (for the records sake) In August I started having aches and pains and numbness in my neck, back, legs and arms. I associated all problems first with doom and gloom, i mean when you are 34 and your arms and legs are falling asleep, something is seriously wrong. But John and a few friends would remind me that i had been getting consistantly 3-5 hours of sleep each night, doing bootcamp in the mornings and working late hours in ackward (printing) positions while standing on a concrete floor. So, i figured I was out of wack and needed some TLC. I finished up the arts festival and drove home from kansas with a battered body and soul. (those festivals on the road are so physically and emotionally draining) I rested a bit, felt a bit better but still something was off. I was having MANY head rushes each day, enough to take notice.
In early October I made a dr.s appt and went in with a mental list of woes and armed with some (1/2 serious) WebMD knowledge and diagnosis. I told my dr. about my headrushes, muscle weekness, chronic neck and back pain and a few other random issues. I told her I had WebMD'd it and thought I should talk to her about ruling out MS or a Brain Tumor. She heard my symptoms and agreed that it should be checked out. (which in itself freaked me out) BUT - i was put back on the reality pedistal when I found out that my portion of an MRI would be $1100. That is not an option right now, so any further diagnosis was put on the back burner. Weeks went by... and I just tried not to scare myself further.
On Monday the 17th I dropped Ryan off at school and got a note in my pocket saying that Miss Karen (one of Ryans preschool teachers) had passed away from a stroke she suffered b/c of a brain tumor (she didnt know she had) I was just getting to know Miss Karen, but we had a few conversations and she was so genuine and nice. It is such a huge loss to her family (including her 3 daughters) and to Ryans school. It was also a gigantic wakeup call to go get that pricey MRI. i got in the car and called my DR.s office to ask them to find me a cheaper option, within 20 minutes I had made some calls to start the ball rolling. Another insurance approval, made an appt, had to change locations for the cheaper rate/etc. but found an open sided MRI for $570 out of pocket. (consider it my xmas gift i suppose)
On Monday the 24th I went for the MRI. It wasnt nearly as bad as I imagined it would be. The waiting was the worst part. I did not want something to happen and have to wait until after the holidays to find out what the MRI found. Tuesday I called to make sure my dr. wasnt leaving for Thanksgiving and the fax would just sit there on her desk. That started a series of calls back and forth. They knew I wanted to know and they were on it. BUT, every time my phone would ring my stomach would drop. the first call to tell me they would call, 2nd call to say they would know something before lunch, 3rd call to say there was a TYPO and they were waiting for the doctor to fix it so they could "script" it. and 4th FINALLY to tell me.
When I was waiting - - - all day - - - I had a few people telling me to not worry - that it would be nothing. BUT, nothing wouldn't be a great answer. NOTHING means I am back to the books looking for a real answer to why I dont feel well. Well - reguardless, i was not ready for that phone call. I heard the drs. voice (dr. mary) - you know when the tests are fine and they call all happy without taking a break "hey, allisOK,thetestlooksgreat, haveagreatthanksgiving, talktoyoulater" well, this was not the tone in her voice. i couldn't have been sicker. (here is the order in which she says it)
in a loose quote by my doctor and then i will also do a loose quote for what was going on in my mind.
"you don't have MS" (wwwhhfeeewww.... holy shit -good! holy shit! REALLY! fuck... thats good. fuck thats bad.. its a tumor isnt it! fuck) "They did not find any tumors." (oh thank god! oh my god.. aaaaaaaaaahh.. thank god. oooooooohh... relief! thank god! but you still have to go get an ear piece because you are gonna get a tumor from your cellphone if you dont.) "But it took me a bit to get back to you because I had to speak to a specialist" (a specialist!... oh fuck! fuck. fuck. a specialist FOR WHAT! OH CRAP.. this is gonna be really fucking bad. shit shit shit) "They saw a narrowing of your spinal cord - it is called Cervical Spinal Stenosis and it is a congenital abnormality. (oh my god.. never heard of that.. dosent sound good. but its not MS, and its not a Tumor.. will it kill me?) "it is something that they watch, it is manageable and you could have surgery if needed. but I talked to the Neurologist and he is expecting you to go in next week so he can see your MRI and do a few more tests - he might do an MRI on your spinal cord" (ah, manageable... wwfeww, oh crap. thank god, surgery.. on my spinal cord, holy crap, oh my god.... a specialist, this will be pricey... another MRI.. another $600. fuck - but its not a brain tumor) The conversation involved many more questions and some more answers - 10 minutes worth. The doctor did say that my symptoms were very much in line with the diagnosis from the MRI and that interestingly enough symptoms of Stensosis read like those of MS. Then i was told to rest and relax. (HA! i have no concept! and i did a terrible job of it with thanksgiving, taking care of john (doing his share..and he does a ton) and my kids home for 5 days on break. rest.... relax? WHAT?)
I called and made an appt. with the specialist and I go in the morning. I am so nervous - it has been a long 5 days of waiting. but this sure has made my thanksgiving even more to be thankful more. the time with my friends and family, every moment i have with my girls, the health we do have (john and i are falling apart since he spent his thanksgiving week on crutches with a sprained ankle) and ... allllll of the little things. (even including some annoying ones) I was mostly thankful to be able to put my mind at rest about the MS and brain tumor and get some answers to why I havent ben feeling right.
i will update after my appt. and when i have another chance.
i think in this image you can see my spinal cord - and you can see where it is more narrow. BUT, that is my lame atempt at reading my own MRI. between john and i we have spent alittle time researching and playing with the MRI software.
Posts
